What kind of cat shouldn't you play cards with?

A cheetah!

What do you call a dog with a fever?

A hot dog!

What do you give a dog with a fever?


Why do toadstools grow so close together?

They don't need mushroom!

Why was the mushroom invited to the party?

Cause he was a fungi!

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

Why didn’t the man die when he drank poison?

He was in the living room!

What do you call a snowman with a suntan?

A puddle.

What did one ocean say to the other?

Nothing, it just waved.

What did one wall say to the other?

Meet me at the corner.

What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I’m coming down with something.

Why was the butcher worried?

Because his job was at steak!

Why was the archeologist upset?

His job was in ruins!

Can February March?

No, but April May.

Why did the zombie decide to stay in his coffin?

Because he felt rotten!

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

Why was there a fence around the graveyard?

Because everyone was dying to get in!

How do you organize a party in space?

You planet.Why was six afraid of seven?

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven eight nine!

What do you call a fake noodle?


How do you fix a broken pizza?

Tomato paste!

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one!

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up?

Because it was two tired!

Why should you stand on the corner when you’re cold?

Because it’s 90 degrees!

What do you call a fish with two knees?

A two-knee fish!

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles!

How do you get a tissue to dance?

Put a lil boogie in it!

What kind of bees make milk?


Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bay-guls!

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel!

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An in-vest-tgator!

What are vampires favorite fruit?

Nectarines! (or Blood orange!)

What’s a taco’s favorite dance?


What do you call a lazy bull?

A bull-dozer.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

What state has the smallest drinks?


Whats the best day to cook?


Whens the best time to go to the dentist?


What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Not-cho cheese!

How does a computer catch fish?

With an internet!

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye matey.

Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?

Because he was too far out, man!

Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze!

What washes up on very small beaches?


Why can you never trust atoms?

They make up everything!

What did the bartender say to the bar of gold?

“AU, get out of here!”

What kind of dog has big ears?

A corn-dog!